


Alone Again

by SofiaTheFangirl



Category: Pellinor - Alison Croggon
Genre: F/M, Kidnapping, Maecad, Maerad/Cadvan - Freeform, Maerad/Cadvan fight, Romantic Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26044453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SofiaTheFangirl/pseuds/SofiaTheFangirl
Summary: Maerad and Hem have gone missing, and their mentors are wild with worry. Maerad, however, has no intention of returning. She and Cadvan finally confront each other - but they realize there are other forces at play. Who is trying to separate them? How can Maerad defeat this evil once and for all? Will anything finally blossom between her and Cadvan?
Relationships: Cadvan of Lirigon/Maerad of Pellinor, Hem | Cai of Turbansk/Saliman of Turbansk
Kudos: 3





	1. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maerad has gone missing, leaving only a brutally honest note behind.

Maerad was gone. Vanished into thin air, from the lack of any sort of evidence whatsoever.

Cadvan of Lirigon tried to keep a cool head as he stalked down the hall to Nelac's rooms in Norloch. However, his trembling hands, clenching and unclenching, betrayed his anxiety.

The meeting with the First Circle last evening had gone horribly. Enkir was as misogynistic and vain as ever, but Cadvan was most shocked at how the other Bards reacted. He never would have expected this Darkening of the Sanctum of Light to be so widespread.

Maerad had seemed terribly out of sorts afterwards, but Cadvan just put it to disappointment at being denied in front of all these "great" Bards of the Light.

He shook his head irritably at his own stupidity as he reflected over the events of yesterday. Cadvan led her to her room, left to his own chambers, and then fell asleep. In the morning, Maerad and all her possessions were gone. He should have spoken to her and explained how there were other choices other than the First Circle -

"Cadvan!"

He spun around, his hand ready to knock on Nelac's door, only to see Saliman rushing down the hall towards him.

"Have you seen Hem?" the Bard of Turbansk asked urgently, his braids in disarray.

"No, have you seen Maerad?" Cadvan replied with a question.

They stared at each other, their faces mirroring shock as they realized what that meant.

"They're both gone?" Cadvan whispered.

Saliman explained that he went to Hem's rooms to wake him in the morning, only to find his young charge gone, along with his belongings. The story sounded eerily similar to Cadvan's.

Nelac opened the door suddenly, causing his two former students to jump back.

"What's going on?" he asked solemnly.

Cadvan and Saliman walked into Nelac's study and sat down heavily, worry creasing their brows. Cadvan explained the whole situation to Nelac, mentioning that Imi was also gone.

Nelac raised an eyebrow, seeming calm. "I'm certain that Maerad and Hem have the best intentions of the Light in mind, whatever they're doing. But you know the girl - what do you think? Most likely Hem insisted on coming along with her, if I know them at all."

Cadvan knit his brows. "She's fiercely stubborn, but loyal to the Light. Maybe she was just angry at the First Circle and needed some time alone. But why bring Hem and all her belongings?"

Saliman chimed in. "Maerad trusts you, Cadvan. I can tell. So why wouldn't she tell you where she's going? It isn't like her to cause unnecessary worry."

Cadvan nodded, perplexed. "We could always track her, of course, but if Maerad really needs some time alone, she wouldn't appreciate us chasing after her."

"She's not alone," Saliman corrected gravely. "Hem may be a mischief-maker, but he's wise in his own way. Yet I worry for them. What has gotten into them?"

Nelac rose from his mustard velvet armchair. "No problem is solved without the help of good, aged laradhel. This one is certainly not an exception."

Despite himself, Cadvan chuckled. "Spoken like a true Bard - finding excuses to drink alcohol. It's a wonder these Schools aren't full of drunkards by now."

Nelac raised an eyebrow. "Well, good laradhel shouldn't be wast - what's this?"

Cadvan and Saliman hurried over to the broad cherry desk where Nelac stood, staring with a furrowed brow at a piece of paper he held in his hand.

"Oh, dear," Nelac whispered, placing a hand over his eyes and handing the letter to his former students.

Cadvan recognized Maerad's loopy script immediately. However, the ink was blotchy, as if she had been pressing down on her pen in anger.

_Dearest Cadvan,_

_You must have realized by now that I have left Norloch along with my brother, if you are as great of a Bard as they say you are. Or Hull, it would seem._

_I fell for your wiles once. Don't think I will again. Despite all you've done to... cover up... your dealings with the Dark, you couldn't have hid it from me for much longer, Cadvan of Lirigon._

_I can just see you now, pretending to wonder if I'm possessed, sniffing it out with your abnormally large nose. I'm completely sane, unlike you._

_If you're there, Saliman, don't let Sharma's little minion get to you as he did me. But who am I kidding? As if Saliman will ever see this in the first place._

_I know what you're playing at. Go on, tell your little master about this letter and enjoy being cast out of his favor. A good life, is it not? Selling out people who trust you to corrupted Bards like Enkir, who sacked Pellinor? But of course, you already know that. Benefits of being a Hull._

_All this ridiculous mumbling about The Foretold! and The Treesong! Probably another one of your shameless lies. You're a Truthteller - of course I would believe anything you say!_

_Hem and I are long gone by now. Good luck finding us, Cadvan._

_Fondest regards,_

_Maerad of Pellinor_

Cadvan stared at the letter in horror, reading it again. Could this even be possible? Or was a Hull writing from Maerad's body? He shook his head, realizing he was doing exactly as she said - "sniffing it out" with his... abnormally large nose? Hey. That was a low blow.

And what was this about Enkir sacking Pellinor? Surely it couldn't be! Enkir was loyal to the Light...?

"What has gotten into her?" Cadvan muttered, more than a little hurt. He thought she trusted him, that she was friends with him. But maybe he was wrong. "Where'd she get the idea that I'm a Hull?"

Nelac shook his head, his face paler than usual. "She's in grave danger, traveling with just Hem. They're both so young."

"But they wouldn't want us going after them," Saliman reasoned. "She sounds rather spiteful, for what I've seen of Maerad."

"We have to follow Hem and Maerad," Cadvan said, pacing with the letter in his hand. He traced Maerad's slightly wild script sadly. "I'm going to send her a mental message and see if she responds. Maybe she's being held captive and needs help, or there's a Hull in her body, or Enkir kidnapped her, or -"

Nelac shook Cadvan's shoulders. "Cadvan. Stop. If she has been kidnapped, do you think her room would be so meticulously cleaned? She's gone. You must accept it if we're to get anything done."

Cadvan stared desperately at his former mentor. "What do we do?"

Nelac opened the door to his study and looked back. "Pack some traveling clothes and food. Meet me in the stables, both of you. They can't have gotten far."

Saliman and Cadvan, glad at having something to do, immediately ran to their respective rooms, and then to the stables, where they harnessed their horses. Nelac was not going to travel with them, saying his bones were "too creaky to ride the deserts like a nomad."

Cadvan ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed. "If I were Maerad, running from someone I feared was going to harm me, I would go to Innail. Silvia's there - she's like a mother to Maerad."

Saliman smiled grimly. "Innail it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	2. The Ways of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of Alone Again, Chapter 1: Missing. Enjoy!

Maerad hadn't stopped riding for hours. The moon went down and the sun came up, and still she pushed Imi harder, hoping desperately that Cadvan was still asleep. That dirty traitor who called himself a Bard. And to think she fell for his lies! But after her foredream of last night, Maerad had no idea what was true and what was not. 

It was bizarre, even for a foredream. Maerad had been flying high over Edil-Amarandh, seeing a beautiful city she knew was Pellinor below her. Gorgeous white-marble towers and ivy gardens were scattered across the countryside, making for a picturesque scene that somehow felt like home to Maerad.

And then Enkir appeared, leading an army of Hulls and wers into Pellinor. She could only watch in horror as her beloved home was destroyed, burnt and smashed to pieces until nothing worth saving remained. 

There was a strange blankness after that horrible scene, as if her mind were adjusting. Then she saw Cadvan in a Hull's black robes. A deep, cold voice spoke. 

_ "Cadvan Lirigon na kerin nor Pellinor." _

"Cadvan of Lirigon helped burn Pellinor," in the Speech. 

Maerad felt a searing pain, as if her very essence were being ripped apart, and then she woke up, soaked in cold sweat. She had allowed herself only a quick bath, patting the stone tub a little sadly. It would likely be the only one she would use in a long time. Packing up her belongings, she had told Hem everything. He agreed to come with her and was just as shocked as she was. But Maerad trusted her foredreams. They never led her wrong before.

It was impulsive and probably idiotic, sure. But Maerad put her safety first. Just in case she was mistaken (which she was doubtful of), she wrote a scathing letter to Cadvan and placed it on Nelac's desk, where she knew he would go as soon as he found she was gone. She took strange delight in writing it, probably because of the... choice words she included. Something about his abnormally large nose. She had no regrets.

_ He'll be in for a surprise,  _ she thought to herself, trying to muster up some bravado.  _ When he discovers that I've left him. Left him all alone. Trusted and befriended him, and then left... _

Maerad blinked back the tears that mysteriously appeared in the corners of her eyes. She just couldn't believe that kind, grave, taciturn Cadvan could ever be a Hull. But foredreams never lied. And there were those things the other Bards kept saying, about his checkered and Dark past. How could she have been so blissful as to not hear them? She had looked at Cadvan through colored glasses - he was her savior, her protector, her mentor. And he was a Hull. She could trust no one in this cruel world. Not the Bards, not anyone. The people closest to her would only betray her. But Maerad still had Hem. 

Hem, who was currently sitting behind her on Imi with a slumped back as she trudged through the thick mud. Hem, who trusted her and accompanied her without question. Hem, who would always be at her side. He was her rock, her comfort, her unwavering companion. 

A copse appeared ahead, a perfect place to rest on their way to Innail. Maerad knew she would be safe and loved there like no other place. 

Hem and Maerad were on the Aleph Road on their way to the Great Forest. She hoped that the trees would help them lose Cadvan, who was undoubtedly on their trail. He knew her too well. 

Hem poked Maerad's shoulder. "Can we stop? We've been riding for hours." 

She nodded and slowed Imi, not feeling like talking. She slid off the horse and cleared away the brush that cluttered the thicket, trying not to look Hem in the eye. 

But her brother sidled up beside her. To Maerad's surprise, he was almost as tall as her. 

"Are you well, Maerad?" he asked, concerned. 

Maerad felt her eyes fill up with tears and looked away, not trusting herself to answer. 

Hem put his hand on her shoulder. This simple gesture of love broke Maerad. She sat down heavily, hugging her knees to her body, and sobbed into them. She had never felt more alone.

Hem wrapped his arms around her, and she cried on his shoulder. At least she had her brother as her entire world fell apart. 

"I just - everyone is using me," she managed to get out through her tears. "I thought we were friends, but... I can't trust anyone anymore."

"You can trust me," Hem said, patting her on the back. 

"I know, Hem," she said, gazing up at him gratefully. 

He stared at her for a while. "Maerad, did you love Cadvan?"

Maerad cocked her head at her brother, confused. "Well, yes. He was my first friend - I guess not, but..."

Hem shook his head. "No, I mean - Maerad, were you  _ in  _ love with him?"

She forgot her tears in her shock. Maerad had never really considered Cadvan as more than a friend. He was simply her mentor and companion. 

"I haven't really thought about him in that way," she said honestly. Her face darkened. "It's not like I can now."

Hem was silent for a while. "I thought you did, the way you two looked at each other."

Maerad playfully smacked him. "Oh, stop it." 

"No, really!" he protested. 

She hugged her brother again. "I promise, no romance was involved." 

But Maerad couldn't help see his deep, intelligent sapphire eyes in her mind, twinkling when playful and wise when serious. There was something about Cadvan... 

He was a Hull. He was a minion of the Dark and she shouldn't care. 

Maerad laboriously got up and pulled out her reed flute. 

"I'm going to talk to Ardina. I can't believe I didn't think of that before."

She played a simple tune on the flute. Ardina appeared with a flash of light, clothed as the Moonchild with a moonstone circlet around her head and a flowing white gown. Maerad bowed deeply, suddenly feeling insignificant and childish. 

"Daughter," Ardina said, tilting her head in acknowledgment. "What is it you wish to know?"

Maerad wiped away the rest of her tears with the back of her hand. "I had a foredream. I think - I think Cadvan's a Hull, Ardina, but I'm worried I'm doing the wrong thing by running away."

The Elidhu smiled graciously. Maerad was suddenly struck with an image of a wood Fae sprinting through the forest, as wild as a puma. 

"Trust the Ways of the Heart, my daughter. Trust the Ways of the Heart." 

Ardina vanished with a blinding white blast. 

"Well, that was a lot of help," Hem grumbled. 

Maerad just stood there, staring at the place where Ardina had been a moment before.  _ Trust the Ways of the Heart...  _

But what was Maerad's heart telling her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that. There's more to come!


	3. Dream Weaver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cadvan and Saliman find Maerad and Hem in a dangerous position.

Cadvan was tired of rain. Of damp clothes and wet hair, mud and chills. Dark skies meant reclusive innkeepers. Reclusive innkeepers meant poor excuses like "no room available, sorry." Which led to many sleepless nights of staring at the stars from the luxurious comfort of the cold ground. 

Although all of this bothered him as it normally did, this time he had a reason to keep moving - Maerad. It killed Cadvan to think that she hated him, after all they went through together. He was still puzzled at how she got the idea that he was a Hull. Yes, his past was… not perfectly Light, but who had told her? 

Saliman stretched from where he was sitting next to Cadvan on the wet, grassy ground. They had just stopped to eat a poor meal of nuts and rock-hard biscuits. Saliman stared at his companion intently after they finished. 

“You never told her,” he said quietly. It was not a question. 

Cadvan shook his head. “How could I have?”

“Cadvan,” Saliman continued. “She trusted you. You knew nearly everything about her. Why did you not tell her this?” 

“What, about my past as a near-Hull?” Cadvan replied bitterly. “I try to forget. I’ve spent the majority of my life as a Bard of the Light. Why must this continue to haunt me?” 

Saliman narrowed his eyes. “Yes, my friend, but did she not deserve to know?” 

“Of course she deserved to know!” said Cadvan, irritated. He held up a hand. “I know what you’re about to say - that this never would have happened if I told her earlier. Yes, I know I made a horrible decision. Yes, I’m paying for it.”

Saliman shook his head. “You sound like a minor Bard caught drinking laradhel, Cadvan. But think! If she knew you trusted her with something like this, and that you weren’t trying to hide your past, yes, this might not have happened. Wait - ! I know it’s too late. But if you and Maerad are to be working closely together, you have to be open with each other.” 

Cadvan sighed. “Of course you’re right, Saliman. I know you are. But I just despise having people judge me by my past without trying to know me. It’s always the first thing they all know. I guess it was a relief to have someone who was oblivious, for once.” 

Saliman nodded in understanding, before standing up suddenly. “What was that?”

Cadvan stood, too. “I felt it as well - some sort of disturbance in the Balance.”

The two Bards looked at each other, brows furrowed.

“Hulls,” whispered Saliman. 

They jumped onto their horses and sped forward to the snakes of the Dark that probed their minds. 

Cadvan and Saliman burst into a clearing, where a terrifying sight lay in front of them - Maerad and Hem were surrounded by a dozen Hulls. 

Cadvan nearly fainted in relief. They were unhurt - so far. For some reason, he felt something deeper in his heart than just joy at the sight of Maerad. Perhaps it was frustration. He hadn’t felt much of anything besides self-hatred for so long now that he forgot what other things felt like. 

Darsor bucked, neighing, as Cadvan shot a bolt of White Flame at the nearest of them. Beside him, Saliman was doing the same. Maerad’s face was white as snow as she tried to shield Hem from the worst of the Hulls’ flame. 

“Noroch!” Cadvan heard her shout. A brilliant White Flame burst out of her fingertips at another Hull. He also heard her whisper  _ “Noroch, Hem!” _ to her brother. Hem tried to shoot a bolt of fire, but his voice wavered and it was weak. 

Maerad turned around, meeting his gaze. Her eyes widened in shock, and then narrowed in a fierce glare. He watched in awe as she punched a Hull in the face and then shot it with fire, her angry eyes never leaving his. He found himself getting lost in their wild blue hue - wait, what? What was he doing, just sitting still on Darsor like a lump? Shaking his head, Cadvan blasted a Hull. 

When they were all disposed off, the Bards stood panting in the clearing, surrounded by piles of dust and bones. Maerad stalked over to Cadvan. 

“Hello, Mae - urgh!” 

Maerad had punched him in the gut. For the first time, Cadvan felt the full extent of her undiminished, blazing fury. He was dumbfounded.   
  


“You deserve far worse,” she snarled. 

In the background, Saliman ushered Hem out of the clearing, presumably to ask what in the name of the Light happened. Unfortunately, that left Cadvan alone with a very unstable Maerad.

Before she could hit him again, Cadvan backed away. “I’m not a Hull, Maerad. I’m your friend.”

She immediately surrounded him in a ring of fire. Despite his predicament, Cadvan was impressed with her skills. 

“You lost the right to call me that the night you burned Pellinor.” 

He was too shocked for words. Burned Pellinor? Where did she get that idea? 

“Maerad, I did not sack Pellinor, and I don’t understand why you think I did.” Cadvan protested. 

She growled. “Foredreams never lie,  _ Cadvan. _ ” 

This confused him even more. “Maerad, foredreams show the future, not the past.” 

This time, she was baffled and stepped back, the ring of fire surrounding him fading away. 

“But it was true, I’m sure of it,” she muttered to herself. Composing herself, she glared at him again. “Prove you weren’t at Pellinor when it was sacked.”

Cadvan looked her in the eye steadily, his heartbeat increasing for some unknown reason. “If you must know, I was a captive of the Landrost for the first time when the School was burned.”   
  
She looked a bit ridiculous and it made him want to laugh, strange as it seemed. He seemed to have caught her off guard. Cadvan took this as permission to continue.

“I was being tortured by him during the sack. That’s why, when I escaped, he was so eager to catch me back again. The images he hurt me with most were the ones coming straight from the ruins of Pellinor. So no, Maerad, I am not a Hull, and never was, and I certainly didn’t help burn your School.” 

He could tell, to his eternal relief, that she wanted to believe him. Taking confidence from this, Cadvan stepped closer to her. She violently spun away. Too early for that, it would appear. 

“Maerad, this foredream, the one that said I was a Hull? Tell me about it. You may have an enemy trying to lure you away from safety.” 

It was clear that Maerad didn’t trust Cadvan fully yet, but he hoped she would be willing to share this bit of information with him. Apparently, she decided he was trustworthy enough and told him the details of her dream. Cadvan was astounded. Enkir, sack Pellinor? But if one part of the dream was clearly wrong, couldn’t this part be, too? He told her so, but Maerad protested. She said that there was definitely a break between the two parts, one that she originally believed was normal. Now Cadvan was deeply worried. If someone had the power to influence Maerad’s thoughts like this and cause her to lose trust in everyone she cared about, who knew what they could do next? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was... fun? :)


	4. The Winterking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arkan appears. Who knows what schemes he has planned...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other chapters were rated G, but this one's rated T.
> 
> Trigger warning: Maerad has flashbacks to Gilman's Cot when Arkan touches her against her will.

Maerad was in turmoil.  _ Trust the Ways of the Heart,  _ Ardina had said. Maerad’s heart knew that Cadvan was innocent. She felt as if her mind had been clouded before and was suddenly clear. How could she have ever suspected strong, loyal Cadvan of doing such a horrible thing? 

But who sent that foredream to mess with her senses? 

Maerad and her companions sat together around a roaring fire, each immersed in their own thoughts. Since they reunited the day before, they had been making their way towards Busk, as Cadvan believed the School’s extensive library would hold answers to Maerad’s foredream. She originally suspected it was just a normal dream after all, but it gave her that sense of realism that only a foredream could. 

Cadvan touched her shoulder.  _ Can we talk? Away from Saliman and Hem?  _

Maerad gazed at him warily. Despite her knowledge that Cadvan was innocent and her guilt at having caused everyone such trouble, some distrust still lingered. He hadn’t told her everything about his past yet. She knew there was something else he was hiding, that seemingly every Bard but herself knew, but none would tell her. 

But she got up, tucking a stray curl behind her ear, and followed the tall form of Cadvan to a grove a little walk away. She opened her mouth to tell him how sorry she was for every hateful word she had said, when he began to talk. 

“I have to apologize to you, Maerad.”

She stood there, her mouth still open. “Whatever for? I think I’m the one who has to apologize, Cadvan.” 

Cadvan took a deep breath, hesitating slightly. “I fear I haven’t been completely honest with you about my past. And you deserve to know it.” 

Maerad stared into his eyes, but met no barriers. He was ready to open himself up and be completely vulnerable before her. She nodded. 

Cadvan began to talk, telling her about his arrogant, powerful young self and the revenant he summoned in his pride. His eyes were haunted as he recounted the story of Ceredin’s demise at the hands of the very spirit he called from another world. 

When he fell silent, his eyes clouded with dark memories, Maerad didn’t know what to do.  _ Trust the Ways of the Heart…  _

She threw her arms around his neck and embraced him tightly. Cadvan rested his cheek on the top of her head. Maerad felt his tears dampen her hair. 

“I’m so sorry, Cadvan. For everything I said. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

He pulled back a bit and looked her in the eye, a crooked grin on his face. 

“Abnormally large nose?” he teased. 

She smiled mischievously. “I was just telling the truth!” 

Cadvan adopted a fake serious expression. “No, really, is my nose  _ that  _ big?” 

Maerad grinned. “Calm down, Cadvan, your nose is cute.” She immediately blushed a deep pink, hoping he didn’t take it the wrong way. Fortunately, he seemed not to notice. 

“Your nose is cute, too, Maerad,” Cadvan replied. She blushed even redder, if that was possible. A strange fluttery feeling burst in her chest all of a sudden as her heartbeat sped up. A little nervous all of a sudden, she looked away and pulled back slightly. Seeming to sense she was feeling uncomfortable, Cadvan broke the hug. 

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation,” he said. 

Maerad laughed, and the two Bards made their way back to the fire, where Saliman and Hem awaited them. 

Saliman looked drawn. He immediately got up and pointed to the rock formation with a trembling hand. 

“I was trained by Nelac of Lirigon himself in navigation,” he began. “Do you recognize these boulders?”

Cadvan squinted at them, then raised his eyebrows in shock. “The two of us camped there a few nights ago,” he said. 

Saliman continued. “That means we’ve gotten absolutely nowhere. How did the two of us, expert trackers, manage to get turned completely around and not even notice until now?” 

Cadvan stood very still for a moment. “That’s rather odd.”

“It’s more than odd,” Saliman replied, frustrated. “It’s nearly impossible. Something here is messing with our heads, Cadvan. It played with Maerad, and now it’s moved on to us.”

Hem stepped forward, glancing nervously between Saliman and Cadvan. 

“You’re both powerful Bards, alert to mind probing, correct?” When the two men nodded, he continued to speak. “Then this is probably not the work of a Hull or sorcerer. If you’re quite sure it wasn’t just a mistake, then there’s only one other explanation - Elidhu.” 

Cadvan and Maerad met each other’s glances quickly. “We both have some experience with the Elementals,” Maerad added grimly. 

Suddenly, there was a flash of icy blue light. The Bards shielded their eyes. Maerad gasped in shock at the figure that appeared. 

“The Winterking - Arkan,” Cadvan muttered in her ear. “So now we know.” 

Arkan was tall and powerfully built, with a slim, cold face and two black braids that fell along the sides of his face. His icy sapphire eyes met Maerad’s suddenly, and she almost flinched away from the sharp intensity of his gaze. 

“I’ve been waiting for you Bards to notice,” the Winterking said. His voice, Maerad noticed, was like a frozen river cracking - harsh, icy, and dangerous. 

“You’ve been traveling north since you found Elednor Edil-Amarandh na,” he continued. She flinched at the careless use of her Truename. “Not west. But I suppose you didn’t realize. My power beckons, and your minds respond.” He gestured to the north in a wide sweep. 

“Why did you manipulate us?” Cadvan managed to get out. 

“So harsh,” Arkan smiled coldly. “I needed to see Elednor, so I worked it all out.” 

Maerad sent a reproachful glance at the Elidhu, which he promptly ignored. He nearly broke her friendship with Cadvan, just to  _ see _ her? “Couldn’t you just have forced me here?” she asked. 

Arkan laughed, but it was not a joyful sound. “And where is the fun in that?” 

Now Cadvan and Maerad were both glaring at the Elidhu, while Saliman and Hem simply looked confused. 

Arkan suddenly trapped Maerad in his arms, pulling her into his cold embrace. She looked to Cadvan fearfully. His eyes were darkening rapidly as he took in the possessive way the Elidhu’s hands held her midriff. 

Maerad was suddenly struck with the memory of Burk, the thug from Gilman’s Cot, attempting to use her. His rancid, hot breath and wandering hands would never leave her, no matter how many baths she took. 

From the way Cadvan looked at her, he knew what she was thinking about.

“Let her go,” Cadvan commanded in a strong voice, his face expressionless now.

Arkan laughed harshly. “Elednor and I are opposites - fiery to cold, Bard to Elidhu. We are perfect for each other. I have found myself a worthy match at last, Cadvan of Lirigon. We will rule over Zmarkan together. Would that please you, Elednor?” 

Maerad whimpered softly and strained away from the mouth that was too near to hers. She was too paralyzed to do anything.

Hem looked helplessly over at Saliman and Cadvan, but they seemed to not know what to do. 

_ No, no, no -  _ Maerad would never allow herself to be taken advantage of, not when she was so far away from the horrors of Gilman’s Cot. So she did what she would have done if Arkan were another one of those thugs - twisted around suddenly and kneed him in the groin. 

Arkan folded in on himself, groaning, and Maerad took the opportunity to punch him in the nose. She was not the helpless girl she was at the cot. She was a Bard. 

Cadvan, Saliman, and Hem looked shocked for a second, but jumped in with bolts of White Flame. Arkan grinned coldly at Maerad, who shivered. The Winterking vanished with a flash of light. Somehow, she knew he would be back. 

Overwhelmed by dark memories, she curled up in a ball and wept into her hands. She heard Cadvan approach her and felt his warm body embrace her as she trembled. How could Maerad have ever hated him? He was always there for her. He was her first and best friend. Cadvan would never hurt her. 

Maerad took comfort in his steady breathing and firm embrace. Cadvan was home, he would always be home. No matter where she traveled or what she went through, he was there. 

She felt Cadvan pick her up and cover her with a blanket as if in a dream, her senses clouded. 

The last thing Maerad saw before falling asleep was Cadvan, gently kissing her forehead. 

“I am with you,” he whispered softly. Then all turned black.


	5. Triple-Named

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That pesky Arkan... okay. Well. He's a little meaner than "pesky" would imply.

Cadvan watched Maerad sleep in silence. Where she had been near hyperventilating last night, now she looked peaceful - youthful, almost. She had been forced to mature long before she should have, and sometimes Cadvan forgot how young Maerad really was. There was a wisdom in her eyes, a sort of world-weary tiredness you only gained through harsh experiences. He would know. His eyes were just the same. 

Cadvan sighed and leaned back, resting his weight on his hands. Now they knew why Maerad had that foredream. Arkan wanted to marry her, and drew her out of safety in order to abduct her. He felt horrible - somehow, they should have seen through it. But they didn’t, causing Maerad’s trauma to rip open all over again. 

He was a fiercely protective man by nature, ever since Ceredin’s death. Cadvan vowed then to never let any of the people he loved be hurt again, but it was quickly proving impossible. He was just one Bard, unable to prevent the killings of Dernhil, Milana, and so many others. It weighed on him like a boulder each day. The fact that he failed to protect Maerad killed him.

But she was a very private person, and didn’t like to share her feelings with anyone. Cadvan was the same, so he understood. He always found something else to do while she was changing or bathing, like collecting firewood or foraging for berries. He knew she noticed, and felt her gratefulness. The thought of Arkan thinking he was entitled to Maerad somehow - it made his blood boil. 

The girl in question stirred and opened her eyes groggily.

“Cadvan?” she muttered hoarsely. He sent a tight smile her way, unable to escape his own thoughts. She sat up slowly, running a hand through her curly black hair. Maerad began to pack up her blanket and pulled out a biscuit. She stared at him for a while until he looked back. 

“Yes?” Cadvan asked. 

“If Arkan is on our trail,” she began hesitantly, “We should make for the nearest School, rather than wander through the countryside to get to Thorold.”

“Carfedis is close,” Cadvan offered. “Gent’s sister School.” 

Maerad nodded silently and continued to eat her biscuit. Soon, Saliman and Hem were awake as well, and Cadvan told them the new plan, which they agreed to. He couldn’t help but notice how they avoided any mention of Arkan. Maerad was just as forthcoming.

After they finished breakfast, Maerad stood up.

“I need to speak with Ardina,” she whispered to Cadvan. He followed her deeper into the forest, where she took out her flute and began to play. It was the beginning of the Song of Making, a lilting minor melody that all Bards were familiar with. Cadvan sang the lyrics silently in his head, a part of him joyful at the music-making. 

Without warning, Queen Ardina appeared, looking as regal as ever. Maerad sank into a deep bow, and Cadvan followed suit. 

The Elidhu smiled graciously at Maerad and greeted her in the language of the Elementals. 

Cadvan looked back and forth between the two women, who were speaking fluidly in the strange tongue. He leaned against a nearby tree and waited patiently.

~

“What can I do to stop Arkan?” Maerad asked Ardina desperately. 

Ardina just smiled gently as usual, but Maerad detected a hint of worry in her eyes. 

“To stop him, you must defeat the Nameless One, for Arkan was sent by him.”

Maerad stood still for a while, processing this information. “Arkan doesn’t want to marry me, just take me to Sharma?”

Ardina nodded gravely. “I’m afraid it is all a ruse, my daughter. You must be wary.” 

“How can I defeat him, though?” Maerad cried. “We have no knowledge of the Treesong.”

Ardina tilted her head. “The Nameless One gained his power through rejecting his own self. He is nothing now. You, however - your power can rival his, but only if you, too, reject yourself.”

Maerad stared at her in dumb shock. “I can’t become like Sharma! Who knows what I’ll do without any self at all?”

Ardina just smiled mysteriously. “Triple-tongued is triple-named, daughter. One-third of a loss is hardly a sacrifice, is it not?” 

Before Maerad could call out at her for more information, Ardina faded away. She glared at the spot where the Elidhu disappeared. Always talking in riddles. Can’t she just give a clear explanation for once?

Triple-tongued is triple-named… Annaren, the Speech, and the language of the Elementals - could those be the three tongues? And she did have different names. There was Maerad, and then there was Elednor. One for her human self, and one for her Bardic self. But that was it! She must have a different self and a separate name for her Elidhu body! Giving up one of her selves should give her enough power to defeat Sharma. 

Maerad turned to Cadvan excitedly, to be met with bare forest floor. 

“Cadvan?” she called. 

She walked a short ways into the woods, seeing no signs of life. 

“...Cadvan?” she said, weaker this time. 

She sprinted to the campsite, to find Saliman and Hem, frantic with worry. 

“You were gone for so long - where’s Cadvan?” Saliman cried. 

Maerad shook her head. “I don’t know. He was there one moment and gone the next.” 

Suddenly, there was a bright flash of blue light so blinding that all three Bards had to shield their eyes. Out of it stepped the Winterking, Arkan. 

He grinned maliciously, and the sight of it caused a shiver to run down Maerad’s spine. 

“I believe you’re looking for a certain Bard,” he said softly. It was more terrifying than a shout could ever be. “I’m pleased to say I won’t disappoint.” 

They all gasped in horror as Cadvan fell out of the blue light, his hands and feet tied and his shirt ripped to shreds. 

Arkan’s eyes narrowed cruelly. 

“Elednor comes with me, or I stretch out his suffering for so long that he won’t even know his own name by the end of it.”


	6. Fire... of Two Kinds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mmm... kidnapping. So romantic.

Cadvan was in Arkan’s hands, and Maerad had no idea what to do. 

She quickly surveyed him, checking for damage. Most of his chest was visible through his torn jerkin, and it seemed as if the blood spotting it was from a vicious nosebleed. Maerad tried not to actually  _ look  _ at his chest, but rather the blood covering it. Despite herself, there was a rising blush on her neck. He just  _ had  _ to be shirtless now, distracting her. Why was she distracted, though? There was no reason to be… 

Maerad shook her head violently.  _ Focus. What would Cadvan do if  _ I _ were a captive?  _ Well, he would blast whoever it was with fire, probably. But that’s not what he did when she was in Arkan’s arms. He just… stood there. He stood there staring. Was it possible that he actually didn’t care about her?

Maerad glared inwardly at herself. Now was definitely not the time to be acting like a lovestruck idiot. Of course he didn’t blast Arkan with fire - the Winterking was an Elidhu, after all. A normal Bard stood no chance. 

But Maerad was part Elemental. 

She sent a sly wink Cadvan’s way as he strained against his bonds. Gods, he actually had muscles! Not that she was surprised or anything… _oh,_ _come on_ , _focus!_

Maerad nodded at Arkan, pretending to look resigned. 

“I’ll be your  _ bride,”  _ she spat out. “But know that only through force could any woman marry you willingly.” Behind her, she could hear Hem suppress a giggle. 

Cadvan’s eyes were pleading, heartbroken, as he looked at her, still not quite understanding what she had in mind. 

“Maerad,  _ no!”  _ he roared. 

Arkan smiled coldly and grabbed Maerad’s forearm. She sprang into action, kicking him in the groin  _ yet again  _ (he really needed to learn from his mistakes) and wrenching her arm back from his grasp. 

She flung out a hand and shot a bolt of fire out with all her power. Arkan just managed to throw up an ice shield, effectively blocking her flame. She then made a ring of white fire around the Elidhu before he could summon more ice, a technique she grimly remembered using on Cadvan once. He shot ice crystals out at the flame, but she pressed harder and melted every one. 

Maerad noted with satisfaction that Saliman and Hem had freed Cadvan. The two older Bards were at her side now, strengthening her ring of fire. She grinned at them, feeling an odd sort of wild joy at the destruction she was causing. Finally, Arkan gave up and, snarling, vanished in a flash of blue light. 

Maerad collapsed, completely drained, and groaned as she held her aching head. Cadvan was at her side in a heartbeat, despite the fact that his nose was clearly broken and - well, great. His shirt was completely gone now. Maerad nearly choked. 

“Are you well?” Cadvan asked gravely. 

Maerad laughed weakly. “I should be asking  _ you _ that, Cadvan. You have blood all over you.” She poked him in a particularly soaked part of his chest. 

“Here. And here. And your nose is broken, too.”

To her utter surprise, Cadvan’s face was completely red - and it wasn’t because of the blood. Maerad slowly became conscious that her hand was still on his torso. She pulled it away a little too quickly. 

Cadvan stood up and looked away. “I should wash off. And heal my nose.” He walked off to the stream. 

Maerad lay on the forest floor for a few seconds more and then got up, noticing that her palm was covered in Cadvan’s blood. She glanced over at the stream, where he was rinsing off, rivulets of water running down his back. She mentally slapped herself. What was she doing, acting like a hormonal teenager? Well, she  _ was _ a hormonal teenager, but that was besides the point. She was a  _ Bard,  _ for all the gods’ sakes, and she was going to act like one.

Maerad stomped over to the river a good distance away from where Cadvan was standing shirtless and washed her hands. She needed time to think. 

~

Saliman was trying not to laugh. And gods, it was hard. 

Each time he saw Cadvan awkwardly blush and glance away from Maerad, each time he caught Maerad gazing at Cadvan with  _ that  _ look on her face, he wanted to shout at them. Oh, and then crawl into a hole. And then laugh till he died of air loss. 

They were so  _ oblivious  _ and it was driving him insane. It’s like they were constantly running into walls while blindfolded, but they refused to take the blindfold off. 

And then there were the events of today, which were equally terrifying, maddening, and hilarious. 

Once Saliman realized Cadvan was out of harm’s way, he couldn’t help but notice the awkward exchange between him and Maerad. If he were a fly on the wall, he would have never guessed that Cadvan wasn’t a teenager with a crush. 

It didn’t help the situation that he was conveniently without a shirt the entire time. 

Maerad had put her hand on his chest, causing him to blush (oh, how rare and beautiful the sight of Cadvan embarrassed), and then they both immediately walked in different directions, despite the fact that they were actually going to the same place. 

Well, they  _ had  _ been in quite the suggestive pose. Apparently Hem noticed too, because his face was on fire as he pretended to be very interested in the contents of his satchel, which amounted to a few biscuits and nuts. 

_This is a splendid_ _day,_ Saliman thought to himself as he struggled not to laugh thinking about it. _A magnificent day, indeed._

Cadvan was finally in love again. There was certainly cause to rejoice. 


	7. Two Lovestruck Idiots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this purely fluff? Yes.

Cadvan was mortified in every sense of the word.

He was captured by Arkan and could hardly put up a fight. 

He couldn’t even save himself from the measly ropes that bound him. 

He tried to see if Maerad was all right, only to realize he was  _ shirtless,  _ of all things, and _ bending over her.  _ If the former didn’t send a message, the latter definitely did. 

And then she put her hand on his chest, and he lost it. At seventy years old, he thought he had moved past his hormonal teenage years. Apparently not. That was the curse of an elongated life. 

It was all Cadvan could do not to look away from Maerad’s strong gaze as she told him everything Ardina said. He tried to act like everything was normal, and they didn’t just spend the entire night trying to move as far away from each other as possible. Cadvan was awkward and at a loss for words for the first time in his life, and because he was like this, so was Maerad. It led to a rather embarrassing lack of ideas on his part. He couldn’t even reassure her that she would be the same after losing part of her soul. 

But her hand on his chest… it was like she made a hot imprint there, for the pulse he felt inside. 

“Cadvan!”

He looked over at Saliman and tried to force a grin on his face, feeling extremely self-conscious. A strand of his long dark hair fell out of place, and he brushed it behind an ear. Cadvan stood up and made his way over to his friend, who discreetly gestured at him. He followed Saliman into the woods a bit on the pretense of finding firewood. However, Cadvan knew there was something else going on here. 

Saliman grinned deviously at him, raising an eyebrow suggestively. 

“So. You and Maerad.”

Cadvan groaned. Not this again. 

“First the Bards of Innail, now you, Saliman. I would have thought you were not susceptible to such gossip.” 

Saliman poked him in the chest. It reminded him so much of what Maerad did the night before that he blushed fiercely. Cadvan chided himself. So easy to be embarrassed all of a sudden. Before, he was like a rock, as likely to show emotion as to run through the streets of Lirigon wearing a clown suit and dancing a jig. 

“I saw you two last night,” Saliman continued maliciously. “Methinks they’re not just rumors.”

Cadvan sighed and turned his back on his friend to pick up some logs set out for travelers. Standing still for a second, he sighed once more and gazed at Saliman solemnly. 

“Not a word of this to anyone else.”

Saliman nodded gravely. 

Cadvan was struck with a sudden temper and tossed the wood down, sitting on it and putting his face in his hands.

“I don’t know what I feel about her,” he said softly after a short silence. “Sometimes all I feel is the fondness of a friend, and then the next moment I act like a bumbling idiot every time I see her. She’s so different from anyone I’ve ever known before, Saliman. Looking at her is like looking at a mirror.” Cadvan didn’t have to explain how he and Maerad helped each other out of a very dark place. 

Saliman nodded quietly. 

“But it’s so  _ wrong  _ for me to feel anything at all for Maerad,” Cadvan cried, his voice breaking at her name. He suddenly felt astonishingly desperate. “She’s young and I’m - I’m not. And she’s had such a rough life. She’s been raped, Saliman, or quite nearly. All affection terrifies her. There have been times when I compliment her and she stiffens up like I’ve hurt her. It’s not right. She needs time to heal before I can even think of these things.” 

Saliman frowned gravely and sighed. “You’re in quite the little predicament here, Cadvan.” 

All of a sudden, none other than Maerad herself burst through the bushes, looking very flushed. Cadvan jerked up, shocked and embarrassed. How much had she heard? 

“Oh - there you are,” she said weakly. “Hem and I needed… some firewood. I’ll go back and tell him you’re coming.” She then disappeared as quickly as she had come. 

“Damn,” Cadvan whispered under his breath. “Curse my damn luck.” He looked over a Saliman, who was barely restraining a fit of very un-Bardlike giggles, and shot him a furious glare. 

“Don’t you dare, Saliman of Turbansk,” Cadvan whispered fiercely. “Don’t you even  _ dare. _ ” 

After a few seconds of wallowing in self-pity and humiliation, Cadvan clambered through the bushes and back to the campsite. By the Light, how was he ever going to face Maerad after this? He tried to comfort himself with the thought that perhaps she didn’t hear very much. Feeling a little bolder, he strode into the clearing with the little ounce of pride he had left. He glanced Maerad’s way, only to see her fiercely blushing and avoiding his stare. Sighing internally, Cadvan looked for Saliman.

To his surprise, his friend was bringing Hem to where Maerad and Cadvan were. 

“Let’s do a little swordsmanship,” he said with a spark in his eye. “I’ll practice with Hem here. You two can partner up. I’m sure you don’t mind.”

Cadvan had never wanted to kill anyone as much as he did now. He sent a murderous glance Saliman’s way in hopes that his “friend” would understand that he was in for a very angry Cadvan of Lirigon after this. 

Maerad was awkwardly standing there with Irigan hefted in one hand. He reluctantly drew Arnost and they started to duel, neither one meeting the other’s eyes. Their fight was laden with tension, Cadvan barely able to lift his sword and Maerad going at him with extra ferocity. 

Before he could even comprehend what was happening, Maerad expertly dodged under his weak parry. Her left shoulder slammed into him with all her weight, causing Cadvan to plummet down, his sword forgotten. Within seconds, he was lying on the ground, Maerad on top of him pinning his arms at his side. He gulped. Her expression was one of complete fury. 

“Stop going easy on me!” she hissed, her mouth alarmingly close to his, so much that he could feel every sharp, warm breath on his skin. Her wild black hair dropped on either side of her face, framing it and forming a curtain around them. Cadvan’s entire body flushed with sudden heat. It was only then that he realized the suggestive position they were in once again, only this time with Maerad lying on top of him, rather than vice versa. 

“We keep getting in these compromising positions,” Cadvan said hoarsely. What was wrong with his voice? Why was it so low and rough? 

Maerad made as if to get up, but Cadvan started to get frantic for some reason. The loss of her heat, of her body on his, made him desperate.  _ By the Light, damn it all.  _ He gently held her waist in one arm, pulled her down while leaning on an elbow, and crashed his lips on hers.

He felt her entire body stiffen in shock, then tremble. Cadvan suddenly felt agonizingly worried. What if he had mistaken her actions for those of just a friend? He had made a terrible, terrible error. But he needed Maerad to love him back, more than he could put into words. 

Cadvan loved Maerad. It was about time he owned up to it. 

He loved her laugh, her smile, her frown. He loved her sparkling blue eyes and the way her hair got puffy on one side from sleeping on the ground. He loved the way she walked, back as straight as a queen and footsteps light as a deer. He loved how she grumbled after leaving an inn and its glorious bath. Cadvan was in love with the enigma that was Maerad of Pellinor. He just had to see if she returned his adoration. 

Maerad slowly relaxed into his gentle embrace, flung her arms around his neck, and kissed him back passionately. His hand rose up, shaking, to gently touch her cheek as she tangled hers in his hair. They broke apart for a second, both grinning and breathing heavily, only to join their lips again. This time there was less hesitation, fewer inhibitions. It was just Maerad, Cadvan, and their newfound love. 

When they finally ceased, Maerad stared Cadvan straight in the eye and smiled lovingly. They had migrated from lying on the ground to tangled together in a sitting position.

“Afraid of affection, huh?” she said fondly. “Then what would you call that?”

Cadvan grinned like the drunken, lovestruck idiot he was. 

Then they both noticed they had an audience - a very red, very embarrassed Hem and a sniffling Saliman, dabbing at his fake tears of joy. 

Cadvan frowned. “You always ruin everything for me, Saliman of Turbansk.”

“On the contrary,” Saliman replied, genuinely grinning at his friend. “I think I did a wonderful job.” 

Maerad blushed beet-red and smiled.


	8. Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PURE. FLUFF.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: References to rape.

Maerad didn’t know why she refused to realize it sooner. But now, here, with her hands tangled in Cadvan’s hair and his arms wrapped around her waist, here, she knew. She loved him with all her heart and soul. She loved him more than her own life.

He delivered her from slavery. He taught her everything she knew. He was her confidante, a strengthening hand on her back, and her best friend. And now her lover, apparently. The rumors in Innail must have been partially true. 

Maerad was afraid before. She was scared that Cadvan wouldn’t feel the same way about her, that his almost loving gestures were just signs of a strong friendship. But as a person who never remembered experiencing love before, she didn’t know how to express her feelings properly. And men… men were terrifying. They would pretend to love you, then use you and leave you stranded on the edge of the road. But Cadvan was clearly different. 

It was nearly dark. Hem and Saliman’s watch had just ended, and Maerad and Cadvan were sitting together on sentry duty. She tried to forget how Saliman winked at her and whispered something in Cadvan’s ear that sounded a lot like “behave yourself.” She glanced over at him. His arms were flung over his knees. He looked relaxed, for once. Maerad only realized now that she was seeing an unrestrained Cadvan for the first time. He was always on guard around her, apparently because of the effect she had on him. Something about losing control or keeping her comfortable or some other nonsense. Of course she was comfortable around Cadvan. Not to say that she didn’t appreciate his efforts. She loved him all the more for it. 

Maerad felt as if her heart were humming in happiness and love. She unconsciously moved closer to Cadvan, snuggling into his side. She felt him stiffen beside her. Maerad blushed and scooched away, realizing what she was doing only now. Seeming a little embarrassed at his instinctive reaction, he threw an arm around her, pulling her closer. 

“You don’t need to be afraid of me,” he murmured in her ear. She shivered, placing a soft kiss on his lips. 

Maerad understood that Cadvan was unused to showing his feelings. She was, too, after all. They would both need a little time to adjust. 

“What are we, anyway?” she whispered. He seemed to understand what she meant. 

“We’re…” he seemed to struggle for a moment. While he thought, Maerad took comfort in his warm skin and firm body. Here, at last, was someone she could trust. She trusted him before, but there was always an invisible line neither of them could cross. Both broken souls, unused to affection. 

“Lovers sounds callous,” he said after a while. “We’re in a relationship. We’re involved. I don’t know.” 

Maerad kissed him again, unable to resist him, she was so full of love for this man. “Don’t worry about it,” she whispered on his lips. 

Cadvan held her cheek with that strong confidence and bit of arrogance she loved so much. 

After a few minutes of lazy kissing, Cadvan broke away, that irresistible smile on his face, his dark blue eyes staring a hole into her. She loved those eyes and that smile. They always seemed to be reserved just for her. 

“We’re heartmates, Maerad. Soulmates,” he said earnestly. “I’ve had lovers before.” She tried not to flinch. “What I feel now is deeper.”

Maerad still had a lingering shred of doubt, though. “I’m too young, aren’t I,” she said with disappointment. 

Cadvan tilted her chin up and searched her eyes. “You’re a full-grown woman, Maerad. If you feel too young for this, I won’t push you into anything you don’t want to do.” 

Maerad gave him a small smile. “I love you,” she said quietly, almost afraid to say it. Cadvan’s eyes widened. He ran his hands down her arms. 

“I love you, Elednor.” Her heart soared. Cadvan leaned his mouth to her ear and whispered into it softly. She quickly looked him in the eye, her mouth open in shock. 

“Inareskai,” she said on his lips, testing it out as she drew circles on his chest with the palm of her hand. “Inareskai.” 

He let out a groan, but quickly held it in, as if embarrassed he reacted this way. His hand lay on the side of her neck, slowly moving towards the front, where her skin was softest. It dipped a little lower. Maerad instinctively flinched away, afraid of the direction this was going in. She didn’t think he would take advantage of her, but men had needs, right? She would not allow herself to be raped. Immediately, she felt ashamed for believing Cadvan was capable of doing such a cruel thing.

“I won’t let you,” she whispered, trembling. Cadvan gently lifted her chin, but she refused to meet his eyes. 

“Let me what?” he said gently. 

“Let you take me,” she replied, ashamed. 

He sat there for a full minute, an expression of utter shock on his face. “Maerad, Elednor, love -” he finally exclaimed. “I’m not going to take advantage of you!” 

Maerad glanced up at him shyly. “So you don’t want to…” her voice shook. “Have me, right?” 

Cadvan turned bright red. She would have laughed, had the situation not been so serious. He started stumbling on his words. 

“Maerad, rape and love-making are two completely different things,” he said, his face in his hands. Soon, she was red too. “Rape is the most grievous offense against the Light. Love-making is - it’s pleasurable. Beautiful.”

She looked at him, confused. There was only one thing she associated with intimacy, and that was violence.  _ Love-making?  _ Ridiculous. 

“Don’t worry about this now, my dear,” he said hoarsely, his face a slightly paler color now but his breathing fast. Her whole body smiled at his endearment and shook for a reason she didn’t know. 

Cadvan leaned over a little desperately, but Maerad playfully pushed him back. 

“We’re supposed to be on sentry duty, Cadvan,” she said laughingly. “What would Saliman and Hem say if we were ambushed by Hulls?” 

“They would be too shocked at the sight of us doing this,” here he kissed Maerad quickly before she could react, “to care even remotely about Hulls. You know Saliman. He thinks I’m a knave.” 

Maerad laughed softly and kissed him again. Cadvan hesitantly lifted her lips with his own, both their mouths open now. Maerad didn’t know you could be kissed like this. She rather liked it. It wasn’t as scary as she thought it would be. 

All the while, Cadvan was stroking her hair passively. It calmed her, knowing someone had her back. There was someone out there that loved her. She was surprised it took her so long to discover it. 

She trusted Cadvan with her life. Something told Maerad he felt the same about her. 

Before long, Maerad drifted off to sleep. She wasn’t worried about keeping watch. She knew Cadvan would protect her. 

When she woke up, she was in a prison cell.


	9. Alone Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maerad is gone... again. And this time, Cadvan has no idea where.

Cadvan groaned and sat up, rubbing his sore head. Where was Maerad? He looked around frantically, seeing no signs of her. There was her bag - lying open on the floor. Her lyre was halfway out. And why did his head hurt so much? The last thing he remembered was watching Maerad sleep and... getting clubbed by a shadow! 

“Saliman! Hem!” he cried. “Wake up!” 

They sleepily stuck their heads out of their blankets. Saliman was instantly up, casting a shield around the campsite. 

“What’s wrong, Cadvan?”

“Maerad’s gone,” he replied desperately. “She was sleeping, and then I was bashed over the head, and then she disappeared. I think she’s been abducted.”

Hem looked extremely worried. His hair was mussed up all over the place. He suddenly seemed a lot younger, exactly like when they first found him. 

“What do we do?” 

Cadvan closed his eyes and found the sanctuary in his mind that meant Maerad. He opened their connection and sent her a message - _Where are you? Are you all right?_

“I’m trying to reach her,” Cadvan replied grimly. “It’s as much as we can do.”

~

Maerad glanced at her surroundings frantically. Where was Cadvan? Where was she? Apparently, a cell. She was lying on the freezing, moldy ground. A rusting metal bench was the only piece of furniture in the dungeon. 

_Where are you? Are you all right?_

She sighed deeply in relief. By the Light, at least Cadvan was there. 

_I’m fine. I’m in a prison cell somewhere. Wait - someone’s coming._

She heard heavy, thudding footsteps and looked their way, terrified. Her worst fears were confirmed as a Hull turned the corner. 

“So the brat’s awake?” it said in its horrible grating voice. She shivered, but tried to put on a brave face. 

The Hull opened her cell, grabbed her forearm, and jerked her through the opening. Maerad shuddered at the feel of its bony fingers on her arm. She was dragged through countless twisting dungeon corridors until they reached an iron door dotted with rust. The Hull flung her through, where she landed with an agonizing crunch on the cold stone floor. Rubbing her head with the base of a hand, she squinted into the darkness. A lantern flickered to life. Someone was in with her. Maerad started to tremble, but crept towards the light cautiously. 

Suddenly, it disappeared. She took another step forward, confused. But then she felt a breath on her neck and spun around to face the most terrifying thing she had ever seen. 

“Hello,” the grotesque body said. “My love.” 

~

Cadvan felt Maerad’s scream echo through his mind. He hadn’t fully lost connection with her yet, but she was fading. 

“Maerad!” he yelled, unconsciously saying it aloud too. “ _Maerad!_ ” 

No answer.

He buried his head in his hands, chanting her name over and over again in his mind. Only yesterday, they discovered their love - and now it was taken away from them. This world was truly cruel. 

~

Maerad struggled against the clammy hand that was wrapped around her neck, but then another one grasped her thigh. She instantly stopped thrashing and whimpered. The image of the thing behind her was burned into her mind - grotesquely long limbs, a skullish face, long tongue drooping out, hideous clawed hands. Surely it was here to inflict some sort of terrible torment on her before her imminent death. She began to struggle again and tried to push it away with the back of her foot. No such luck. 

She slowly became conscious of Cadvan’s voice chanting her name inside her mind. 

_Cadvan,_ she said, suddenly frantic. _Help me!_

_Maerad - I thought - where are you?_

_I don’t know,_ she said desperately. _There’s something here with me - it’s hideous -_

Cadvan pulled her in for an internal embrace. She relaxed in the intimacy of his mind-touch. 

_We’ll find you_ , he promised. _I love you, Elednor._

_I love you._ She didn’t want to say his Truename for fear the creature was a mind-reader. 

But it felt too final, and she wished she had taken it back. 

The thing behind her gripped her more tightly. “Do you know me?” it rasped. 

“I don’t know you,” Maerad said rebelliously. “Let me go.”

“So demanding,” it said. “But I think you do. Say my name.”

“I said I don’t know you.” 

“ _Say my name.”_ An instant deluge of horrifying images passed through her mind. She screamed again - and knew. 

“ _Sharma._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was terrifying to write. It took me an entire month. But here we are! Thank you all so much for continuing to read my little story.


End file.
